BREAKING NEW ALERT! --- BREAKING NEWS ALERT!
(Voiceover) We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to bring you this breaking news story...
(Background) We're live in three... two...
(Feed picks up in mid-conversation) What are you, the fuckin' Men In Black?
Nossir, we're with the network, we-
And what, the network has it's own goon squad?
Nossir, it's just, they need you, and-
I'm still in my goddamn pajamas!
And you just dragged me into a helicopter!
God only knows what my neighbors are thinking, some government strike force lands at my house at 4 AM!
What the fuck is this about?
(Background) We're live, Chuck! As in, LIVE...
What, you mean there's no fu... no Go... no censors right now? Shit, they're gonna fine my ass to Texas...
(Background) Pull it together Chuck -- you're still in Texas. We're splicing in Craig from Chopper Two in five... four...
But what's this about?!?
(Crackling of static) Chuck, are you with me?
Craig, I'm with you, but where are we?
So you know the duel last night?
The what? The... You mean, Yoder and Gorman and all?
You got it. It's like this -- Bowman and Reiss were a little pissed it didn't make them look so good... They came up with this stunt to pick up a little publicity and see if they can't turn their image around... It's nuts, really, a flash duel on the highway right at the start of rush hour, but those poor bastards weren't going to get any sponsors otherwise....
(Background) We're LIVE Craig!
(Sound of hand muffling the pickup) Shit! Why didn't you tell me?!?
(Snickers) Caught you with your pants down too, huh, buddy? So, um, Bowman and Reiss?
(Audio clears) Uh, right, Chuck. They're just driving the wrecks from the duel...
But you couldn't have fit a housecat in the space left under Reiss' roof!
Yeah, apparently his crew, um, cut it off.
Cut off the roof?!?
Nice-looking convertible now. Anyway, you can still see the scorch marks on Bowman's, but I guess the fire crew got to it before the guns went up, 'cause he's still tooling around in it.
Well, they get an 'A' for guts... And it's just the two of them?
No, they put this whole plan on the 'Net and got like 4,000 volunteers. Somehow they narrowed it down to two more cars so there's one coming in each direction.
Yeah, it's the cloverleaf where I-10 hits 410, just outside San Antonio. So there are four ways in, but get this -- they enter against traffic!
Well it's not closed off or anything -- not too many people commuting at that hour, but it's not empty, either!
Commuters?!? You can't be serious!
Well, you lose points for killing a bystander... (Defensively) Hey, it wasn't our idea, we're just filming...
(Scoffs) I'll just bet...
(Background) CHUCK!!! Cut it, guys, commercial in five...
Stay with us, folks, and after these, uh, valuable messages, we'll run down the scoring for this event...